If there’s one thing you need to know about me, it’s that I like goofy horror movies.
Horror with absurd premises.
I will gladly watch terrible shark movies for fun, same with zombies or dinosaurs.
A killer toilet ? I’m down.
A shark’s ghost that can kill you because you turn on the faucet ? Of course it makes sense.
Norwegian nazi zombies roaming in the snow ? Sounds like fun !
A killer tire that soaks in pools ? I mean it’s not great, but why not…
But as a whole, we need to wonder. Is there an end to the madness ?
The horror genre can be amazing, intellectual and very well done.
It can make you rethink the way you see the world.
It can trouble you for days on end…
But at the other end of the spectrum we have homicidal turkeys and killer refrigerators and we need to collectively find a stopping point to that, don’t we ? Hell, we even had to sit through a rapey snowman.
What random object or ghost of an animal can surprise us at this point ?
We’ve had not only shark tornados, but also zombie tornados, everyday items that come to life only to kill people, we even had pastry attacks…
Is there anything new to bring to the table ?
Here’s a list of things I haven’t seen yet (and that should probably never be done) :
A demon-possessed toothpaste. Only activated through saliva. You use it, you lose your soul.
You then spend eternity in spit hell.
Homicidal glasses. They do their best to murder you with glass shards.
Without ever breaking.
A killer ghost-pomeranian. Looks like an angel, but will maul you.
It can only be seen on Tuesdays.
A feature-length film about the youtube short with the guy that kills you with a spoon (“The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon”). They had a fundraiser, we need to see it happen.
The revenge of the fan. Only attacks during summer time, all the victims were found frozen, with no forced entry.
It sees the investigation happen and rejoices that it will never get caught.
If the world was ready to finance a pastor that turns into a velociraptor’s sequel, we can face anything.