Tarot came out in 2024 to mostly bad reviews (no idea how that 4,7/5 on Amazon even exists).
Look, I’m going to be blunt here : there are thousands of reviews depicting why it’s bad, and I mainly agree with all of them.
The gateway horror problem
It’s a « paint by the numbers » movie, where none of the reactions seem human or genuine, the characters have the depths of Final destination‘s ones and the reaction time of a broken metronome.
It has its funny moments, but it shouldn’t have taken inspiration from The cabin in the woods, Bodies bodies bodies and Get out because it reminds us how much better those movies are.
Exposition is meant for scrolling along, and you get beaten over the head with it.
There is a salvaging option.
BUT it does have one slight redeeming quality. It created some (wonky) lore.
And you know what we can do with lore ? Make it better. Look at Ouija, and Ouija : Origin of evil.
Give this movie the Mike Flanagan treatment and I’m sure it will become a little gem.
The tarot deck looks creepy enough to hold its weight.
Ditch the CGI to make all the creatures practical only and boom, success !
I sat through it wondering what a backstory for the high priestess would be… So that’s a win.
Imagine, just for a second, exploring on the deck…
Making all the cards come to life, and hell, why not unleash them at the same time. Kill all your characters at once, they don’t matter either way, but that would be something to remember the movie by !
So many ways to go
You already have all the exposition here, so no need to rehash it, just mention the freak accidents of this installment and voilà, you have free reign on a brand new semi-decent plot.
Or even better, pivot from the drama angle, and use it in a thriller for instance, with the Emperor being a weird stalker before turning into an opportunistic killer.
This could even be a prequel to one of the stories told. Not the original one though, as the actors looked like they were on their way to a runway while being set in the early 1800s. That failed miserably.
They didn’t even look like they smelled bad. They should have.
I mostly just feel bad for Olwen Fouéré because between this and the Netflix Texas chainsaw massacre, she has been beaten down by the worst that the horror genre has to offer.
The curse of the ending
Oh and I know we need dead bodies in horror, but please, I beg of you, give them at least two braincells before their demise. It’s gruesome to witness sometimes, and it hurts us to want them to die faster.
Dying characters should either be a prize for patience, or devastating. You shouldn’t be cheering for it.
And evil being vanquished by a life coach influencer’s mantra broke me.
My rating : 1,5 bats (because of what could have been)
🦇🃏🃏🃏🃏
(Picture a half-eaten bat here, the emojis won’t let me do it)